Paranoia ( The Villain )
It’s only a matter of time. They despise me. I’ve made the wrong move and now there’s no getting away from it, away from this mess I made. I can see it in the subtle movements of their faces that they are offended by my existence.
Worrying about our safety is useful, as it can help protect us from threats. Our minds may prefer to over-suggest, because if we’re wrong the stakes are lower than if we under-speculate. When we’re paranoid though, our suggestions are outlandish.
Paranoia is a type of illusion/delusion in that it is thinking something that isn’t true. It’s speculating in a way that makes us out to be more of a villain than we actually are. It can be terrifying to be paranoid, and when people are scared, they can be erratic. These experiences are real to the person experiencing them, so it also makes sense how they could be traumatic.
It’s very uncomfortable to experience these beliefs. There is a lot of fear, a lot of uncertainty. You’re worried about further suffering, sometimes worried that your loved ones might suffer too. I’m not sure if these sorts of beliefs are there to make us change our behaviour in some way, but it’s very hard to convince me that my belief isn’t the case if it’s delusional. I can step back and tell myself that what I believe isn’t true, but still feel it and experience it to be true. How strange the mind is, with its layers that relay and filter inwardly and outwardly, recursively.
There are a few reasons why it’s hard to bring someone back to earth when they’re experiencing paranoia. The foremost, I think, is that the person trying to reason with you can be wrongly perceived as an enemy. There’s the right person saying the wrong thing, but also the right words coming from someone we don’t trust. When I’m psychotic I’m not sure whose “team” people are on, or whose team people think I’m on.
I’ve heard that the best way to help someone who is in the middle of a delusion is to ask questions, trying to gain their trust (20). Trust is a basis for understanding. Don’t agree with what they’re saying but try not to disagree either. Ask questions so that the person has a chance to see flaws in their logic, so that they can have the chance to change their own minds. Whatever you do, you want it to be accessible to the individual experiencing the delusion. Aim to connect them back to the sensory/objective realm, because often when you’re delusional you’re fixated on the conceptual/subjective side of life. Making art may be helpful, or simply going for a walk. Grounding myself in these ways has been very helpful.
For me, the most effective way to come back to reality was with antipsychotic medication. So, getting help from healthcare professionals was important. I had thought medication was poison before though, and in that case I was sick enough to be admitted to a psychiatric ward against my will. This is not a great option but is preferable when we become a danger to ourselves or others. I wasn’t violent towards others, but was on the verge of suicide. Thankfully with medication I gradually integrated back into the shared real. Antipsychotics have some significant side-effects, and aren’t a viable option for everyone, but their development has moved mental healthcare dramatically forward, in my opinion. At least, they have been successful for me.
Most importantly, when I’m experiencing paranoia, I need to feel safe again. To return to that middle ground. Not to think of myself as some sort of angel or demon, but to remember that I’m that messy mix of good and bad which is human.
